This is my Peer Support Speech, hence the title Speech! Speech! Speech! Its not a professional speech, but it a speech. I also wrote this early in the morning the day of graduation due to not sleep well that night. This might have been from pain, or from being nervous!
Hello, my name is Kimberly Broeske. I am from a rural town name Colby. It is halfway between Wausau and Eau Claire. I live with multiple medical stories, and mental health stories. Now I call them stories, because in fact they aren’t disabilities or setbacks to me.. They are stories.
I applied knowing only very little about what a peer support specialist was before Christmas. I also applied thinking, they are going to have a TON of people applying they aren’t even going to look or even want me. I applied thinking that I wouldn’t be worthy to be chosen because my mental health at that time was stableish, and the only experience that I have in drug/acohol addiction is only going through what I learned in class for Human Services. But honestly, I had no thought that I would get chosen. My interview was a nightmare because it was during a Christmas Party for my younger brother.
Anyway, I got chosen. And I was like so excited, until it came to the day of and the drive the hour and a half (ish) drive here was nerve-racking and anxiety provoking. When I walked into this room with 16 strangers on that Wednesday just six days ago. I was like, Who Am I to be here in this space.. This is completely out of my comfort zone of safety. I had my doubts that I wasn’t going to mentally make it through the class, and physically. This is honestly downright amazing thing that I have done. I have gotten my confidence tank filled and refilled so many different times. I learned so much on how I can be empathic more, finding the resources that I need to help others. I learned that we all that “person” to just vent things off to. I learned that throughout the entire time that: We are all MAD here. Now, I am not talking about being mad with anger, rage or disgust. I am talking about Making A Difference. We will be making a difference everywhere we will be in the future. Whether that we be working in drop-in centers, or in other workplaces, in the communities as advocates, human services workers, or even just a volunteer writing grants. So we are making a differences in our community.
Now, go out and do Amazing things just remember that it takes something small to make a real difference.
Till Next Time,
K
Update: At the time of posting this I was waiting for the results from the last possible test that I could take to get certified. That came yesterday, I failed. I will be re-taking the class again in the future.
Another Update (08/05/22)- it has been almost a year, of being a certified peer specialist. Life got in the way, during that time. I got a job working full-time in a school- so I did the test while working.
First off, sorry for the radio silence. Working a full-time job as an Americorps member while dealing with my medical issues is another full-time job. Secondly: I am going to ramble and give you kind of an update.
Today (2.3. 25) I am currently sitting at UW Health, getting a biopsy done of my thyroid. I was re-diagnosed with a recurrence of thyroid cancer. Since the Marshfield Clinic didn’t follow up with ultrasounds of my thyroid when they found out I have cancer. The new surgeon I was referred to feels that it has spread to the lymph nodes in my neck. Today is to check to see if it has cancer cells in there.
I had a follow-up a few weeks later with the endo surgeon, which was 2. 28. No abnormal cells, but he wants to see me again once I’m all healed from ENT surgery. That appointment is in June.
On that day, I was also suggested to have some exploration surgery/biopsies from ENT. Surgery was scheduled for March 7th. This is where things get interesting.
So now-
The procedure day comes- my mom switched her dialysis day to come. This was planned overnight, and overnight, it was. I’ve been in the hospital and ICU ever since. Due to a finding, complications, an infection, and a nosebleed, I now have a temporary tracheostomy.
After 3 weeks of being in the hospital, I’m home. I doing better but still have a bit more healing to do.
Its hard to pick just one person who has been the biggest influence in my life, because my life has been a tad out of the ordinary shall we say. So, these are just some of the few people who have been influencer(s) in my life. These are in no specific order as well. Some of the names of some of these people have been changed to protect their identities.
My Grandmother Lena-
My grandparents whom both have passed away, two of whom I never met but will hopefully meet in heaven. My grandparents (mom) raised 9 kids in 10 years. My grandmother had been an influencer in my life because she taught me things about life and how to enjoy life. One of the things that I will always remember is that when I would do her grocery shopping with my mom, I would always get things that she wanted and not make substitutions for. Sometimes it was ice cream, other times it would be other things and have her say to my aunt “if I die tonight because I have (insert food or what she couldn’t have due to dietary issues) I’d die a happy woman.”
baptized into Christ with the Lead Pastor L at church
My Parents-
We all share our struggles whether that be health or life. These two have worked through everything and been together for 36 years in October. They have been a been able to raise three wonderful kiddos and have spiritually adopted so many other kids. (Honestly, my friends call my mom and dad their parents and so do my sisters friends). What I feel makes them a big influence is that they have taught me how to be a better person despite everything going on. They taught we the good feeling of hard work, and how to work together better in a team.
My Aunt RJ and Uncle BJ
Where do I begin? They are both wonderfully kind people; my uncle had passed away over a year ago. My aunt just retired, and is I feel more busier now than she was before she retired. My aunt worked at the (rhymes with) Sarshfield Mlinic for a very long time as a Medical Assistant. She also had two wonderful boys (both of which are much older and wiser than I). We would see the family almost every weekend when my grandma was alive as they would come up and clean grandma’s apartment. What I feel makes them an influence in my life is that they were always there to come pick you up, or come to a performance, visit you in the hospital or in my brother’s case “play ball”.
My Cousin’s Wife H and Cousin A.
My cousin, whose parents are spotlighted above are just like his parents. Wonderfully Kind people. They have had their struggles, and they are raising a daughter and another child on the way. What I feel makes them an influence in my life is they are accepting of others no matter what is going on in their life.
My Friend T.H.
You know too much, some of the information in this is true- this girl has been my buddy since walking into Microeconomics and starting in the Early Childhood Program at Mid-State. We have grown to find out that I had crashed my younger (2 years and 2 days younger) cousin’s birthday (which is a whole other post) and she was at that birthday party.
We unfortunately did not graduate together, but we still have stayed in contact. What makes me feel like she is an influence in my life (however I am older) is that through all the issues that have been handled her, her dad’s diagnosis and then death. Her own medical issues, work issues, and life she has still stayed that half-awake girl that is always ready for an adventure.
But you again girl you know too much!
Red Fox – Vulpes vulpes, sitting up at attention, direct eye contact, a little snow in its face, tree bokeh in background *This is NOT my doctor*
Dr. Foxy (the PCP)
Dr. Foxy, well happens to be the most wonderful cheerleader any person can need. Mouth of a sea dog, and the temper of a momma-bear. I believe the very first time we met, was with my mom who was having asthma issues and I took her to the ER or was it with my dad who had broken his ankle the day before?
You have seen me through so much (stuff) and walked me through some of the most difficult things in life. I love you Dr. Foxy. What I feel makes her an inspiration in my life is that she is always in a positive mood even throughout the pandemic and always up to no good somewhere in the clinic.
The Mental Health Doctor: Dr. Nerd
Dr. Nerd has seen me through his Post-Secondary time at the (rhymes with) Sarshfield Mlinic. I was sent to him to do my current therapist retiring. I was deathly afraid of him because he was a guy. And he can attest to that. Come to find out he is a year older than I, and a very nice guy. What I feel makes him an inspiration in my life is that he has helped me to be a better person, and to bring out things that have happened in life that I had been afraid to talk about with anyone. He has helped me in homework assignment (it’s a funny story, and inside joke). He is now employed at the same place he did his post-secondary time, and according to him “he is not going anywhere too quick!”
My Cousins P and J and there parents K and D
My Aunt K and Cousin P:
So, my aunt K is my wonderful Godmother and aunt all rolled into one big bow has three kids two on earth and one in heaven. My cousin P is the youngest, and also just as spunky as my sister A. They both have went through their shares of issues. But I love them all the same. What makes them an inspiration and an influence is that they never give up. No matter what is going on, they never give up. My cousin has an odd sense of humor and I love her outlook on life. My aunt/godmother can get just about anything that is going wrong or right in my life that I do not want to share out.
If I left you it, it was not internally. I knew I could only pick a specific amount of people. Perhaps maybe I will do another post like this with other people.
So my question to you,
Whose your influence in your life that you strive to be? These were just a few of mine, how about yours?
From writing the post in the last post, I was sitting in the parking lot of my church. Listening to the birds singing and enjoying the last bit of sunshine. Life has changed so much in a matter of a few weeks prior.
Rewind back to the middle of February, my mom developed cellulitis in both of her legs. It started in one and went to the other. She was admitted into the hospital about 20-30 minutes away. Due to COVID-19, my dad and I did video visits. She was discharged on a Friday, with much to our surprise she was re-admitted into a different hospital about 45 minutes to an hour away, due to some issues that happened at the other hospital (that is a whole other post). By day 3 of that hospitalization her kidney’s shut down. I mean like stopped working, as nothing coming out and now is backing up. After some looking, and other testing found out that she would be starting inpatient dialysis. Port was placed in her chest most affectingly called: Port-ie.
I will spare you the photos. Because we all do not have time for looking at very swollen legs that looked like elephants.
Now, fast-forward to today. 05.12.2021: We still have a port put in; she goes to dialysis treatment 3 times a week. She has been back in the hospital once to help to fix her fluid overload situation. She has a whole slew of more diagnoses to add onto her list, autoimmune, high blood pressure due to kidney shut down, among other diagnosis. We are holding hope that her kidneys will wake up, but we know the reality that if it does not what the treatment is really no different than what she is doing at the moment.
As for my dad, he is still my dad. He has his days good/bad. Tyler is doing amazing, and again that will be another post for another day. A and T are doing well, A is finishing up the school year at a new school and T is loving the job.
As for me, since April I have worked a lot. I started a new (ish) stepped down position in a classroom where at most times I have two students. Now there are one class hour a day I could have more. I have had 1 upper scope for my EOE. I have gotten to “upgrade” my diet and have made 1 visit to an emergency room. Today, for a kidney stone. 8 mm.
I also was discharged from my service-learning class, which then took graduation out of the cards for this semester. I am at this point schedule to take internship and the class that aligns with that in the fall and Lord Willing will walk the stage in December.
Now, my meds are kicking in so I better stop and pack my work bag for tomorrow.
Honestly, I should be working on homework but I’m not. I should be researching, planning, and writing my capstone project. I should be going for a walk…. I should be doing lots of things, things at home, things for school, things for life.
But I’m not. At least not tonight
So, what is going on in life?
Since I last posted, I have been working at Spencer Schools in their overflow room, made many trips to medical facilities both near and far, made new friends, held the fort down while my mom was ill in the hospital, did both virtual and in-person church, had my first meeting with my site supervisor for my capstone class, drove a crapton of miles, and much more.
Easter this year will be different, just like it was last year. No zoom call, but at least my siblings will be home. One came home last night, the other tomorrow. 😀
But right now: I’m gonna sit in the van, listen to birds fly past, enjoy what’s left of the sunshine, and some peace at the moment.
Looking deep-ward into my recovery process it hasn’t been a smooth sailing highway that most people have traveled. It has been a very crazy life, and that is the life that I am used to. I have been in some form of therapy since around 7th grade. I also have had issues with trauma that has affected my life. I am going to be extremely candid and personal here, and say that yes, I was abused. I won’t go into the detail of “who” “who” or the “what happened” but to say that I am also in a good place and the ability to write out everything will be a process.
The first trauma that I can remember vividly was the abuse (but this was reoccurring), but the second was when I thought that my dad had died. I was a second grader, and I wasn’t sure what had happened. All to find out, my dad had suffered his first of many seizures. I had gone to counseling in 7th grade, which I wasn’t understanding the “why” I was going to counseling. I also wasn’t willing to talk about what was worrying me so much that it was discontinued.
But, back to the first trauma: Yes, I was sexually assaulted, not once but at least sixteen times by my babysitter, then a priest, a doctor, a massage therapist, and a friend of the family. Going back that far, I had attempted to block out the abuse which I felt had worked throughout public school until I got into college.
That was when I had attempted to kill myself, thankfully I was at school where I was in the counseling office where she had called my mom and was sent to the clinic where I would be admitted into the Behavioral Section of the hospital. All of the memories of the past abuse from the babysitter, and doctor had flooded my mind. This was when I couldn’t do squat about it but just deal with it. I was discharged from the hospital on Good Friday afternoon, after my 72-hour hold was up and sang at church on Holy Saturday. As apart of my discharge I was strongly required to go to day services at the clinic, which in my opinion was a total joke because I was the only person in the day services for the first two weeks.
When your told, “not to tell, or x, y, or z would happen” How do you deal? You don’t tell however once I found out that it was only harming me, my time, and the therapist time I tried to find ways that I could tell. I had a therapist after being discharged from hospital who followed me until she retired.
Then, I got a post-secondary doctor who was a male. I wasn’t quite sure how to take him, because he was a guy and I only had worked with a male for a very short time. Once, I finally accepted him as a “safe” person I found that he is an amazing awesometastic therapist. He is a very compassionate person. He has taught me a lot about myself, and each session isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. But, with the amount of issues we had a lot of things to shift through. At this time I don’t feel like I am still hitting my high of highs, or even the lowest lows. But, my emotions seems to be much better in check and I am not always in a mode of trauma. I am learning to keep my emotions in the middle (which is much harder that it sounds). Recovery still feels like driving, but now I am in better control of
-My Recovery-
And it not what others think
I still have the labels, that perceptions that people with x,y,z, and w aren’t worth putting into the community. However, I am a person who tends to defy labels. The labels will still be there, but I know how to better those labels.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all that jazz.
My holiday has been just like the year 2020. We picked up my brother from his house in Marshfield and went for “a ride”. To my surprise, he didn’t want my phone or using headphones. Where we had went for the ride, was not somewhere he had been since prior to covid taking over. My brother also got a gift from the director of where we went on the ride.
After “the ride” we came home to find Santa had stopped and he got a dot to dot book. We then had supper, my sister and her hubby came home. We talked to them for a bit, then we (my brother and I) went to bed. Santa arrived soon after. Next thing I knew, I was waking him up so that we could do our “typical Christmas tradition” of watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas while waiting for the rest of the family to open gifts.
I feel that I along with the rest of the family was pleasantly surprised with the gifts. 😊
Saturday was a rather chill day, along with having Zoom Christmas with Mom’s side of the family. We also had a pizza party and game night with my sister and brother in law.
Sunday will be when my brother goes home, along with my sister and brother in law. I will take pictures at church and enjoy the little break away from the family.
I will be starting to work in some of my Christmas gifts into rotation along with using some of the things that I have gotten.
When I was accepted into the class I was floored. Having very little knowledge in what being a Peer Support Specialist was, or even if I was completely qualified to be one I went to the class. Mind you, the class was in January and its winter so anything is possible for weather.
This class was geared towards people with mental health and substance abuse issues in the North Central Wisconsin. When I walked into the conference room I was overwhelmed with the diversity of people who is in the class. There were people from all walks of life, and there were also males in the class.
The instructors were amazing, granted I knew one of the instructors or guides through the class from church. They were extremely great, and caring. The class really melded great into a great and caring group. By day 5, we were laughing and crying. One of the things that I really enjoyed was the simulations in the different topics, whether that be “we” were the Peer Support or the instructors were the “peer support”. We also would have a dance party, and when we were graduating we got our sending off words of wisdom after we received our certificates.
As part of the class, and because we live in Wisconsin. The weather can change so quickly in a blink of an eye. My second week (Mon-Wed), I spent it in Stevens Point at a hotel. Little did I know that the first morning after checking into the hotel it had snowed. I fell after having breakfast on the way back out to the van to go to class. Fell on my bad ankle that I had surgery on not once but twice! I went to class that day, and afterwards went to urgent care. Luckily for me, it wasn’t fractured but it was indeed swollen. Told to rest, elevate, ice, and wear the ace-bandage. I was also told to follow up with a orthopedic doctor in Point/Plover. I knew, that it wasn’t going to happen, so I saw primary care after I was back. She sent me to a doctor in Eau Claire, but that’s another post!
I finished the last 2 days, and managed to graduate! My speech that I wrote for the graduation will be posted in another post soon! I was one of 3 speakers, and there is no video of the speech during the graduation however it is posted on Facebook.
So, my third semester is done with school at NTC as of last week. My classes were Professional Readiness, Introduction to Service Learning, Counseling Theory and Tactic, Human Sexuality. All the classes were taught online, and with my prior history with abuse one would think that this would be extremely triggering. This semester was heavy on the writing of papers, but along with that I was offered a Classroom Monitor job at a local school district. I also got to do Zoom calls in the oddest places such as in a classroom with my instructor. (God Bless that Woman!)
This was a strange semester fall 2020; I was eligible for internship but because of COVID-19 all the internships were changed over to Service Learning. Our instructor has never had to teach Service Learning before, and the college was in the process of discontinuing the course(s). My internship “dream” was going to be Taylor County Human Services in Medford, Wisconsin. I use the “dream” only in quotes because, well I will get there.
So, within the Service-Learning introduction class, we had to contact places that would be agreeable with taking on intern during this weird time. I was looking at doing a mental health/human services-based placement. I called many different places and was getting nowhere. I had even called my “dream placement”, well after much discussion. My dream placement takes me. I only had one other hurdle, passing my Peer Support Test. My title for the Placement at TCHS is doing the research end of doing a drop-in center for people with Substance Abuse and Mental Health Issues.
My next semester is Introduction to SUDC, Psychopharmacology, Assessment/Diagnosis/and Treatment, Substance Use and Family, Professional Responsibility, Service Learning- Leadership. This is the semester that I will doing the final project. This will also by my final semester if nothing medically changes or the world doesn’t end.
Before wondering eyes, my grades were amazing. All A’s
There are many people that I would like to communicate with, but if I had to pick anyone, I would pick my grandmother. Although she has passed, I really would like to say that I love her so much and I miss her. But if that person would have to be living, I would be picking my brother. I would tell him that I love him, I am going to be okay, and I am going to live with grandma and uncle Bryan.
I tell Tyler that I love him when I see him at home, so I don’t really have a why. Now, for my grandmother I didn’t get to say I love you to her before she passed but we were really close. I would be working at the nursing home and she was always my last place I would stop before leaving. That way then I could get to spend the needed time with her and then get to tell my mom or my aunt of the things that she needed. I didn’t get to see her before passing because I had just had surgery the week before she passed away.
Find My Journey~Mental Health 